Brunei

Brunei, officially the Sultanate of Brunei Darussalam, is a small country on the northern coast of Borneo in Southeast Asia, roughly 500 km north of the equator. Given the local political and cultural system, which prohibits the sale of alcohol, we set off knowing this would not be an easy trip.

There is some consolation for foreign visitors: non-Muslims over the age of 18 may bring a limited amount of alcohol into the country. Our six small cans had to be properly declared at customs. There was little point in staying in this purgatory for long, so we turned the trip into a two-day visit to the capital, Bandar Seri Begawan — working title: “rehab”.

To be honest, there is not much in the capital. There is a mosque in the centre, a handful of shopping malls, a night market that is completely deserted after 10 p.m., and monuments commissioned by the Sultan and named either after his wife or, even better, after himself.

Thanks to the country’s small size, low population and oil wealth, the people of Brunei are well looked after: healthcare is free and petrol costs next to nothing. This leaves the Sultan with a relatively free hand when it comes to spending the riches. The main sources of entertainment seem to be a museum devoted to the ruler and a shopping centre where you can buy Baťa shoes or Czech crystal.

Our first evening in town

After arriving, we headed into the centre that evening. We were surprised to find the city half-empty, apart from a park where teenagers were playing football and nearby stalls were preparing street food.

The city centre is essentially two parallel roads with a few government buildings and a shopping centre between them. The supposed highlight is the local night market. We arrived at around 10 p.m., but every stall looked as though it had been closed for quite some time. Your entertainment options therefore boil down to the shopping complex or the Royal Regalia Museum, where you can acquaint yourself with the life of the local monarch.

The country covers roughly 5,700 km² and is ruled by a Sultan who has been its de facto absolute monarch since 1967, wielding executive, legislative and judicial power. If we complain about politicians at home accumulating positions, it is worth considering just how many posts the Sultan of Brunei holds.

Head of state

Prime minister

Minister of defence

Minister of finance

Minister of foreign affairs

Religious leader

Legislative authority

Compared with the Sultan, those European politicians eager to collect as many posts as possible look like Sunday-league footballers.

Kampong Ayer by water

We devoted the second day of rehab to a closer look at the capital and its surroundings. We found a local water taxi and headed along the Brunei River towards Kampong Ayer. On the way, we spotted what was probably a crocodile and some monkeys in the trees, but the photographer’s reaction time left much to be desired.

Kampong Ayer is often described as the world’s largest urban settlement built on water. It has a school, a police station and even a fire station. We turned around near the Sultan’s new residence and returned to the bustle of the city — by which I mean the shopping centre beside the mosque.

We wandered around the nearby parks, successfully found a geocache and inspected the shopping centre once again. That was our activity in 32 °C heat and 75% humidity. Back at our accommodation, we finished the beers we had declared at customs, played a few rounds of Yahtzee, went for noodles at a nearby restaurant, and brought our Brunei rehab to an end.

We collectively agreed that Operation Brunei had been a success. We can say with a clear conscience that the place is a hole almost entirely devoid of even the most basic form of entertainment. We do not necessarily mean pubs; anything not connected to a mosque or a “Me and My Life” museum exhibition devoted to the local ruler would have done.

It is ticked off the list, and we now know there is no pressing need to return.